Its strange that my mind still sees time as linear. I still see the year stacking from January to December in one long rectangle. Its a huge contradiction as nothing about me is linear, nothing about me goes from A-B. Nothing about any of us does. Yet our 'conditioning' still thinks thats how it should be. Every turn we make, every step in another direction sends us and those around us into a blind panic. I know, because I do it alot. I am still however stuck in the linear so when I make that step my heart is crying thank you, whilst my mind is telling me I am crazy.
I was speaking to a wonderful mentor of mine last night and I was telling her I felt guilty for making the choice to come to Italy. Why guilt she said? Because I should have stayed longer in a place I wasn't happy, doing a job that didn't fulfill me. I felt guilty that I had again upset the status quo, again upset society's expectations of me. You were given a gift she said, a gift to go to Italy and have the time you need.. give gratitude for all of it- this is your life.
I think alot of us think oh when we have this or get there, then we will be fulfilled. It doesn't work like that does it. We think we are just sitting this bit out because our real life will start on the weekend. We are crumbling away with little frayed souls in lives we only half want because we think that is all there is. We desperately try to cling to this path, too scared to fall off. If we did we would realise it never actually existed.
No straight line,