Nobody Home.

One of my favourite Artists has "Fear is a Mind Killer" tattooed on the inside of her arm.  I have always said I would never get a tattoo, that it wouldn't suit my pale mask of polite Englishness. I would have this one though, stamped on my soul, branding me with a visceral declaration that bleeds its ink into everything I do.

I used to think fear was in charge. Years I spent becoming concave, curdling in my cardigan. My bones dry and shrunken from the weeping of my dreams. I didn't know that the more afraid I was, the more courageous I could become.

There is a photograph of me on a beach with a back pack, walking away from a life that wasn't mine.

Through the picture here, I can see where I am. That I have popped back out through the looking glass.

Don't worry, you won't know that fear is killing you. It will be a slow and comfortable death,

Until the end.


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